Gift #1

Back in April I started a new series known as Doctor Who and this probably would have been your least favorite interest of mine. Doctor Who is a show about a time lord who travels--and that's as much as you would have let me explain to you.

This show is important to me because it represents a start to me trying new things and that being okay. In the nerd world in which I live, this show is beloved and I put off starting it for a while because it's a huge time commitment and it didn't seem that great. But I started it and was hooked very early on.

It wasn't hard for me to start this show because it's nerdy and I'm nerdy so the leap wasn't that huge. However, I'm starting to do a lot more outside of my comfort zone so I figured we should start slow with something you'll be able to easily understand: me being obsessed with a TV series.

Doctor Who recently started up again and I've been having fun hosting watch parties for my friends. Yesterday Ryan and Kali along with Preston (a new friend from my cohort) came over to watch the newest episode and it was a great time. I always used to laugh at you and think it was so stupid when you were looking for places to live and discussed how certain rooms would be good for entertaining because you never wanted to entertain anyone. I always assumed that I'd be the same way because I didn't like people but the truth is actually more complex than that.

The more I'm letting changes I experience be okay the more I'm realizing that it might not have been that I don't like people but that I feared people didn't like me. I'm not saying that our house will be the setting of a huge blowout party but I expect some nerdy party nights happening over here or me going out to be with friends more on the weekends.

It's amazing what becomes of you when you feel as though you have nothing. Noah was my last real tie of people that needed to be cared for and nurtured and without him here it feels weirdly freeing. Instead of being upset by this, I'm choosing to reframe it as an opening to be someone I was never allowed or able to be. Somethings, like Doctor Who, might be easy fits and work real well while others might take more time for me to get used to. (This vagueness is probably worrying to you; we'll get more into this when I'm ready to tell you about my 21st birthday.)